Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la

About 2 years ago, my paternal grandmother (aka Horrible Henrietta or HH) was absolutely miserable to my mother and I when we went to bring her home from a self-induced hospital stay (she OD'ed on Imodium- this was not the first OR last time she has done something like this). HH was nasty to us at the hospital, at the pharmacy where we picked up her prescriptions, and at her home when we dropped her off. My mother and I left her house and went to finish our Christmas card shopping. We spent 45 minutes trying to pick out a card for HH, discarding card after card as too nice or too phony. Actually, it was quite therapeutic. We arrived home to a voice mail diatribe of accusations. Accusations which HH later claimed that my mother and I made up, essentially accusing us of lying, adding yet another accusation to the pile. At which point my father replayed the voice mail for her. Not once has she ever apologized for her behavior or for the pain she caused. Subsequently, I have only gone to visit my grandmother when there are 3rd party witnesses, like when she is in the hospital or a nursing facility. The sole exception to this is when I visit her at Christmas- even then I make sure to go when my father or brothers are present. I have written to HH explaining my reasoning and my absolute refusal to have anything to do with her unless she seeks psychiatric treatment. Clearly, when someone ODs on Imodium multiple times as well as deliberately hurting the people helping her, that person is sick. In fact, after this particular Imodium incident, the hospital set up an outpatient psych consult, which HH canceled. While I recognize HH has a right to refuse such treatment, I feel that I have a right not to have to deal with her psychotic abuse. Periodically since my letter, she has reached out to me, but never expressing any regret for the pain she caused me. She still categorically refuses to see a psychiatrist. One of the times she has reached out to me was this week in a Christmas card where she expressed the sentiment "When are you just going to get over this?" Not, "I'm sorry for my behavior." Not "I'm sorry I hurt you." Not, "please forgive me." No. She put it all on me...like this whole situation is some failing of mine. I'm sorry, but if you hurt me once, shame on you. If you hurt me twice, shame on me- for allowing you into a position where you could hurt me again! When is enough enough?

What ever happened to nice old ladies?

About a week or so ago I had a very interesting conversation with a friend about the lack of nice old ladies. Think about it- when was the last time you encountered a nice polite old lady? I regularly encounter mean old ladies, rude old ladies, funny old ladies, insane old ladies but rarely encounter a genuinely nice, polite old lady. For example, I was shopping at the Christmas Tree Shop 2 weeks ago and was browsing in the card section. All of the sudden my cart smashed into my shins. I looked up startled and a cranky old lady who had just rammed her cart into mine looked at me and said "Well, it was in MY way." Another old lady passing in the opposite direction looked at the situation and loudly commented "What a bitch!" I hope that comment was directed at the old lady who bruised my shins, but in all likelihood, it was probably directed at my inability to move my cart out of the other old lady's way!

The sad thing is, this type of behavior is all too common over the past few years. About 3 years ago, after being "abused" by the mean old ladies at the grocery store, I made a rule for myself- I only help people that ask me to NICELY. Why reward bad behavior? I wouldn't put up with behavior like that from a child, why should I put up with it from an adult?